Because of Labor Day in the US, last week was a somewhat short one for working folk. Yet it was still awfully long for those who spend time on the internet. How so? Well, it was a week during which Vice President Mike Pence’s vacation location became a political issue, and one where several US states launched an antitrust probe against Facebook. It’s also been a week during which leaks revealed Siri was once programmed to deflect questions about feminism, and the war on rats continued in new and unexpected ways. (Admit it: You didn’t even know there was a war on rats.) As scientists approach killjoy status with regards to the Loch Ness Monster, the internet struggled with the idea that the Joker movie might actually be good and wondered what their Carnival Row names would be. What else happened while you were offline? We’re glad you asked.
So, About That Straight Pride Parade …
What Happened: A Straight Pride Parade took place in Boston. It was met with a counter-demonstration—and a lot of social media chatter.
What Really Happened: Last weekend, Boston played host to a Straight Pride Parade. Generally, Pride events celebrate LGBTQ+ people, but this one was organized by a group called Super Happy Fun America, which claimed straight folks were an oppressed majority. It seemingly had the backing of many President Trump supporters.
The parade even included an appearance by Milo Yiannopoulos, who served as the parade’s grand marshal, which was interesting considering that Yiannopoulos is gay. Nevertheless, neither the parade nor Yiannopoulos drew huge crowds—a fact Twitter was all too quick to point out.
Even as the protest failed to ignite significant interest, the counter–protest seemed to have a lot of people fired up.
In the days since the parade, there has been significant legal fallout from what happened, and not in the ways some might have expected, with a judge telling counter-protestors to “stay out of Boston,” while attempts by the Boston district attorney to drop charges against counter-protestors are being blocked, even as Boston police defend their use of riot gear during the event.
But that’s in the real world. On social media, the response was one of rhetoric, not riot.
The Takeaway: Meanwhile, one important figure was paying attention to what was going on.
The Empire Strikes Back
What Happened: Meanwhile, in the UK, the battle over Brexit continues.
What Really Happened: For months now, the question “What is actually going on in the UK?” has been a particularly hard one to answer. Last week, though, the answer was simply, “Everything went very badly for Prime Minister Boris Johnson.”
It all started on Tuesday, as the government went back to work after the summer with its first vote: Whether to approve discussion of a plan to block Johnson’s no-deal Brexit. It was expected to be dramatic, with threats of both a general election and a “purge” of “disloyal” MPs if the government was unsuccessful in maintaining control. Neither threat worked.
The debate before the vote was something to see, especially thanks to the attitude displayed by Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Conservative Minister tasked with arguing the government’s—which is to say, Boris Johnson’s—case.
So, where did this leave things? According to Johnson, facing a humiliating defeat on his very first vote, it meant time to ask for a vote. No, not another Brexit vote—why ask the British people how they feel about the catastrophic prospect of crashing out of the European Union with no deal?—but the other kind of vote previously threatened.
Here’s the thing, though: Johnson can’t just declare an election, due to the rules of the British parliament. Instead, it has to have the support of two-thirds of sitting MPs. So, guess what happened when he put the idea to a vote?
This is just embarrassing now.
Before that happened, though, Johnson also lost two other votes, both of which were essentially done to make sure that the first vote he lost wasn’t a fluke. (It really wasn’t.) The week got worse for Johnson when his own brother—another Conservative Party MP—quit, saying he was being forced to choose between familial loyalty and the national interest. You know, the kind of thing someone says when they totally think their brother is making the right choice.
Johnson also made a speech in front of police officers during which one of the officers behind him almost fainted, and as of this writing, it’s looking as if any General Election would be blocked until November, which is to say, after the Brexit deadline of October 31. So, what is actually going on in the UK? It’s honestly unclear, beyond the undeniable fact that Boris Johnson is having a very bad week.
The Takeaway: Even as the British people send signals that Johnson should rethink his stance on Brexit, the prime minister offered a response that promised disaster really could be right around the corner.
Big Box Activism
What Happened: As the US dealt with the aftermath of another mass shooting, Walmart stepped in to take a stand.
What Really Happened: After another mass shooting in Texas last week, Walmart decided it was time to take action.
So, what kind of action was Walmart proposing?
The move made headlines across the internet, with some wondering whether it could change the conversation surrounding guns in America. Walmart’s shares went up after the news, as did the blood pressure of the gun lobby, it seemed, judging by responses online.
Even as the NRA oscillated in indignation about the news, many pointed out the irony that so many people who traditionally espouse the value of the free market were struggling to see it in action.
Oh, and Walmart wasn’t alone in its decision this week, either.
The Takeaway: Take it away, Twitter.
President Trump vs. the Weather
What Happened: With Hurricane Dorian about to hit the United States, President Trump made a gaffe. It turned into a whole thing.
What Really Happened: As Dorian headed toward the US, Trump sent the following tweet.
There was, however, one significant problem with this message.
Yes, the president accidentally named Alabama as being threatened by Hurricane Dorian. This is a problem, if only for the panic that could ensue from those in the state suddenly “learning” that they’re in danger, but it’s not an insurmountable problem. The president could have just corrected what he said and apologized for the error. He didn’t.
Well, that cleared everything up. Kind of.
It didn’t stop there.
Yes, that’s the president of the United States displaying a seemingly altered map to show Alabama being threatened by the storm.
Despite this, the president doubled down.
Then, the National Weather Service just stopped talking about the whole thing.
And then the Coast Guard got involved.
So, as Hurricane Dorian makes landfall on the mainland, people find themselves wondering about the president’s obsession with justifying his own claims.
The Takeaway: Chelsea Handler has a joke about this.
RIP, Jeremy Renner Official
What Happened: Apparently, even Hawkeye can’t hit the target in the complicated world of vanity apps.
What Really Happened: Not content with being in the highest-grossing movie of all time, Jeremy Renner has been trying to be a renaissance man lately, launching a music career, his own Jeremy Renner–branded Amazon store, and, of course, his very own Jeremy Renner app. Yes, really; Jeremy Renner has an app. Well, he had one. To say Jeremy Renner Official was unusual is an understatement, judging by those who recorded this piece of internet history for the world to see.
And then, there was this.
Why was that particular interaction so important? Because, it seems, this was the thing that killed the app. Yes, that’s right, we said “killed the app,” because, midweek, like the brief glorious life of a Mayfly, the dream ended, all too soon.
It sounds surreal to say, but judging by the coverage the app’s closure received, this was something close to actual news. To say that everyone on Twitter was taking this appropriately seriously is a fair statement, as long as we agree that “appropriately seriously” means “not seriously at all, because it’s about Jeremy Renner having an app.”
As if everything about this story wasn’t strange enough, here’s the thing that takes it to the next level: All of this had happened before.
Are we actually all living in a particularly strange episode of Black Mirror? What is actually happening here? We’d ask for the Avengers to save us, but, well, they’d bring that Hawkeye guy, who inexplicably made it through Avengers: Endgame instead of Black Widow.
